Saje
11-05-2004, 01:37 AM
099622231
#7064By Saje on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 2:37 am
Personal Spiral Of Silence is a freewriting tale of hope and mystery about deciphering what we most desire. We all make meaning of seemingly karmic moments only to find those moments short-lived for one reason or another. You leave one plateau only to find yourself on the cusp of a great rolling wave of desiring that which you cannot have. In the midst of this desire, you realize that you are willing to wait a little longer to receive that special something from someone else more willing to ebb and flow with the tides. The other person realizes that they are only human and cannot be that which you most desire. You and your partner come back to an empty house where you only have each other and you haven't developed the skills yet with which to say hey, good night, I'll see you later. Our society is lost in conversation about the nature of male/female friendships both online and in person and what the exact nuances are that entail both. One person's perchance to truthful and empassioned conversation is another's poison, and so we are beleagured as to what to say at all. Monogamy leaves a strange taste in many peoples mouths these days who are quietly seeking to find some remedy for the worn out standards that we all have had to live up to for hundreds of years. We all want to be the center of attention and still share equality. However, changes happen slowly. This past century has seen an incredible shift in the way that we discuss power and intimacy. However, we still cannot frame the way that we share friendships and intimacy outside of marriage without intimately discussing issues of fidelity and truth and the admiration of beauty. Single people who are friends with people in committed relationships must still learn to tread lightly. There is a huge question about physical and emotional boundaries between people of the opposite sex, especially after a breakup or marriage. Friendships sometimes whither and die out of respect for the marriage vows, and the preceeding friendship may take on a distant life of its own, if it survives at all. The conversation about defending marriage currently going on is a worthwhile cause except that it comes from a place of fear. I suggest that, for many people, the defense of marriage is not so much about alleged right or wrong types of relationships as it is about the very nature of a committment itself. Lifelong monogamy between the sexes HAS been the cornerstone of our reality.It is in fact, what has brought us this far, despite its limitations. I know conservatives would beg to differ, but consider the ways for better or for worse that divorce has changed our view of marriage before this current conversation erupted. We are at a point where we are questioning the very meaning and form of intimate relationship. This is happening across the board without respect to legality, but with more respect towards issues of equality and fidelity. Throughout time, the way that we have dealt with fidelity is to either look the other way or to test the chastity of the woman involved. There are various reasons we have done this. It has been easier to blame one party than it is to take individual responsibility for our passions. More recently, the Internet has done great things for the exchange of information and ideas but it has also created a sense of denial about the responsibilty for the aforesaid information. It is now easier than it has ever been for people to assume an identity and escape the internal isolation that they may be feeling within their communities and within their relationships. Thus doing so creates an ever increasing opportunity for partners to engage in more than one relationship at a time. We work more now than we ever have. Committed partnerships now take place over great expanses of time and space, leaving each to feel possibly entitled to a little Internet fantasy now and again. Others believe that multiple committed relationships are the answer, but history and mores dictate otherwise, all despite Margaret Mead. We are caught in a conundrum between our grandparents and our parents, between Freud and "Hands Across America". Our grandparents chose short courtships over long ones and stayed together a lifetime even if they weren't happy. Our parents chose personal freedom over committment by opting for divorce and found that their opportunities for happiness was only sometimes greatly increased. In Personal Spiral of Silence, I had just made such a perilous journey through just such a conversation. I married young to someone within my socia-economic class even through my aspirations were for a career and independence and our conversational banter was on differing levels than I wanted it to be. He was also very young and we tried to live on both sides of the tracks, as it were, to be both responsible and enjoy life. I kept asking myself, how did my grandparents and parents make it through this part of their lives? Was it that the current division of labor at the time actually assisted them in some way to move forward? Some of my early lessons at home made me wonder. On the other hand, public education and the media had taught me to dream of equality, to dream of a time when physics and astronomy and higher math were not just parlour room pursuits. Unfortunately, my conclusion suggests that at this point in the journey, we cannot make up our collective minds on how we want each other to behave. Strong minded and fiscally successful women are eyed as either overbearing or too seductive. Quieter, perhaps less fiscally fit women who may or may not be single parents, in my own personal opinion, are not always lauded for their individual intelligences. Men are internally wishing for another role to play other than the great provider, but when the opportunity for them to step into a kinder, gentler role comes, it frequently finds them unprepared to to greet the emotional responsibilities that come with that freedom. My own personal solution to this is a work in progress, as it is with the rest of society. I am a study in contrasts. I want a strong arm to hold, but I also want that arm to reach out to me in request for strength. I want a career and a namesake for posterity, but I am unwilling to relinquish the promise of an intimate family life to guide my sometimes stern and challenging existence. The greatest challenge for me personally as a single woman, is the attempt to convince the rest of the world that I will somehow triumph in this venture no matter how many times I may be knocked down. This is especially made difficult by the cultural biases we all face everyday of religion, socio-economic status, and the assumptions made based on a credit report and a resume. In conclusion, the spiral of silence has had the dark connotation of being only associated with a terrorizing regime. I would suggest that while this unpopular communication theory is admittedly limited in its scope, it does present some interesting questions when applied to everyday occurances where there is a real or philosophical "pink elephant" in the room. It happens in families, it happens in communities, it happens in government all the time. I chose this as a title because it had represented a kind of theme I had noticed in my life and in others around me; it was a theme that I hoped ( and still do) that I could conquer by facing up to my limitations and the limitations of those closest to me. To this end, I have renewed ties in areas where I thought there were only closed doors and I have severed ties where I have realized that I had come to the end of my abilities. May we all find a new common language to discuss the ways we are changing, and define again the ways in which we can perhaps not sever ties as much when relationships change. Maybe we will even keep some of the old ways in rememberance of our forebearers. For example, many of us have chosen to change the birth given names we have because we are seeking renewal in some way. I have chosen, for now to be called Saje, not because I think I am so wise, but because I honor the nickname given to me by my father in my own way. Someday, there may be another name given to me that may describe me better. Such is the evolution of language. May we all be included in this conversation about relationship, truth and the pursuit of joy.May the spiral of silence within each onclave of humanity ever decrease and cease to be.
#7064By Saje on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 2:37 am
Personal Spiral Of Silence is a freewriting tale of hope and mystery about deciphering what we most desire. We all make meaning of seemingly karmic moments only to find those moments short-lived for one reason or another. You leave one plateau only to find yourself on the cusp of a great rolling wave of desiring that which you cannot have. In the midst of this desire, you realize that you are willing to wait a little longer to receive that special something from someone else more willing to ebb and flow with the tides. The other person realizes that they are only human and cannot be that which you most desire. You and your partner come back to an empty house where you only have each other and you haven't developed the skills yet with which to say hey, good night, I'll see you later. Our society is lost in conversation about the nature of male/female friendships both online and in person and what the exact nuances are that entail both. One person's perchance to truthful and empassioned conversation is another's poison, and so we are beleagured as to what to say at all. Monogamy leaves a strange taste in many peoples mouths these days who are quietly seeking to find some remedy for the worn out standards that we all have had to live up to for hundreds of years. We all want to be the center of attention and still share equality. However, changes happen slowly. This past century has seen an incredible shift in the way that we discuss power and intimacy. However, we still cannot frame the way that we share friendships and intimacy outside of marriage without intimately discussing issues of fidelity and truth and the admiration of beauty. Single people who are friends with people in committed relationships must still learn to tread lightly. There is a huge question about physical and emotional boundaries between people of the opposite sex, especially after a breakup or marriage. Friendships sometimes whither and die out of respect for the marriage vows, and the preceeding friendship may take on a distant life of its own, if it survives at all. The conversation about defending marriage currently going on is a worthwhile cause except that it comes from a place of fear. I suggest that, for many people, the defense of marriage is not so much about alleged right or wrong types of relationships as it is about the very nature of a committment itself. Lifelong monogamy between the sexes HAS been the cornerstone of our reality.It is in fact, what has brought us this far, despite its limitations. I know conservatives would beg to differ, but consider the ways for better or for worse that divorce has changed our view of marriage before this current conversation erupted. We are at a point where we are questioning the very meaning and form of intimate relationship. This is happening across the board without respect to legality, but with more respect towards issues of equality and fidelity. Throughout time, the way that we have dealt with fidelity is to either look the other way or to test the chastity of the woman involved. There are various reasons we have done this. It has been easier to blame one party than it is to take individual responsibility for our passions. More recently, the Internet has done great things for the exchange of information and ideas but it has also created a sense of denial about the responsibilty for the aforesaid information. It is now easier than it has ever been for people to assume an identity and escape the internal isolation that they may be feeling within their communities and within their relationships. Thus doing so creates an ever increasing opportunity for partners to engage in more than one relationship at a time. We work more now than we ever have. Committed partnerships now take place over great expanses of time and space, leaving each to feel possibly entitled to a little Internet fantasy now and again. Others believe that multiple committed relationships are the answer, but history and mores dictate otherwise, all despite Margaret Mead. We are caught in a conundrum between our grandparents and our parents, between Freud and "Hands Across America". Our grandparents chose short courtships over long ones and stayed together a lifetime even if they weren't happy. Our parents chose personal freedom over committment by opting for divorce and found that their opportunities for happiness was only sometimes greatly increased. In Personal Spiral of Silence, I had just made such a perilous journey through just such a conversation. I married young to someone within my socia-economic class even through my aspirations were for a career and independence and our conversational banter was on differing levels than I wanted it to be. He was also very young and we tried to live on both sides of the tracks, as it were, to be both responsible and enjoy life. I kept asking myself, how did my grandparents and parents make it through this part of their lives? Was it that the current division of labor at the time actually assisted them in some way to move forward? Some of my early lessons at home made me wonder. On the other hand, public education and the media had taught me to dream of equality, to dream of a time when physics and astronomy and higher math were not just parlour room pursuits. Unfortunately, my conclusion suggests that at this point in the journey, we cannot make up our collective minds on how we want each other to behave. Strong minded and fiscally successful women are eyed as either overbearing or too seductive. Quieter, perhaps less fiscally fit women who may or may not be single parents, in my own personal opinion, are not always lauded for their individual intelligences. Men are internally wishing for another role to play other than the great provider, but when the opportunity for them to step into a kinder, gentler role comes, it frequently finds them unprepared to to greet the emotional responsibilities that come with that freedom. My own personal solution to this is a work in progress, as it is with the rest of society. I am a study in contrasts. I want a strong arm to hold, but I also want that arm to reach out to me in request for strength. I want a career and a namesake for posterity, but I am unwilling to relinquish the promise of an intimate family life to guide my sometimes stern and challenging existence. The greatest challenge for me personally as a single woman, is the attempt to convince the rest of the world that I will somehow triumph in this venture no matter how many times I may be knocked down. This is especially made difficult by the cultural biases we all face everyday of religion, socio-economic status, and the assumptions made based on a credit report and a resume. In conclusion, the spiral of silence has had the dark connotation of being only associated with a terrorizing regime. I would suggest that while this unpopular communication theory is admittedly limited in its scope, it does present some interesting questions when applied to everyday occurances where there is a real or philosophical "pink elephant" in the room. It happens in families, it happens in communities, it happens in government all the time. I chose this as a title because it had represented a kind of theme I had noticed in my life and in others around me; it was a theme that I hoped ( and still do) that I could conquer by facing up to my limitations and the limitations of those closest to me. To this end, I have renewed ties in areas where I thought there were only closed doors and I have severed ties where I have realized that I had come to the end of my abilities. May we all find a new common language to discuss the ways we are changing, and define again the ways in which we can perhaps not sever ties as much when relationships change. Maybe we will even keep some of the old ways in rememberance of our forebearers. For example, many of us have chosen to change the birth given names we have because we are seeking renewal in some way. I have chosen, for now to be called Saje, not because I think I am so wise, but because I honor the nickname given to me by my father in my own way. Someday, there may be another name given to me that may describe me better. Such is the evolution of language. May we all be included in this conversation about relationship, truth and the pursuit of joy.May the spiral of silence within each onclave of humanity ever decrease and cease to be.